Megalopolis

Well the votes are in, and the song “It Won’t Be Like This For Long” by Darius Rucker was recently voted (by Caitlin and myself) as the #1 most cried-to song of the 2008-2009 academic year. What’s funny if not a little awkward is that in both our minds, this song is about teaching. Listening to the words now, I hear these verses about… what’s this, his daughter?…and I’m just confused. I get angry, in that I do not remember hearing these words last year!  I remember hearing a consoling message about how hard things can be and how you feel like things are impossible and just watching her it breaks it his heart because he already knows it won’t be like this for long and oh god i’m such a horrible teacher and let’s just listen to this song in the dark, curled into the fetal position on a bean bag chair next to a mound of ungraded uneccessary busy work in an effort to delay the inevitable failures that will occur in anything real and valuable I could try and do with my time.

This song WAS my last year of teaching.

But I realized something, listening again to the song that still gets radio play this year, as well as frequently on itunes playlists such as “stop looking for distractions and LP already!” This song, this schmaltzy if not totally gloriously sad country song, is about THIS year too! Only now, teaching at LUES is almost over (well…some days it feels like almost, some days I wish it was almost), and really, truly, Hootie McBlowfish, it WON’T be like this for long. Holy crap, it’s the shapeshifting song of the century!

How on earth did Hootie manage it? How did he write a song that works for both first and second year emotions? Well, I imagine part of it comes from being himself. With a name like Hootie, the road could not always have been smooth. Alright, I kid, I kid, but I think it might just be possible that Hootie needed to express something just like I try to every once and a while through these vapidly sarcastic posts. Maybe Hootie had two really rough years and just wanted to write a song about it, too.

Or it could be that I’m still not listening to the words, the song is just about his daughter, and I’m selfish. Either way, it’s a great song.

I have not written in a while. I think this is because I do not…need this as much? Last year this blog served as an empty room into which I could step and then yell as loudly as possible about all the things that scared me or made me angry or confused me. This year is different. I don’t need to yell, and that’s AWESOME.

I am exhausted by the end of every day, but as opposed to last year when it was out of frustration and confusion, I am exhausted out of…effort this year? I overexert myself with teambuilding cheers and energetic lessons, and yet I am honestly rarely frustrated or confused at hte end of the day. Last year I found myself sitting in my room or in the dark on on a bean bag chair staring blankly into space asking “what the HELL just happened?” This change from total cluelessness to acceptance and…some semblance of confidence. It’s a HUGE change, but I love it.

I love my kids, I love teaching, I love progress, and I love feeling ike I’m not a failure.

All this being said, it just means I have a lot less to write about. I could quote how hilarious and wonderful my kids are, and sure, I’ve got the usual amount of 11 year old girl drama, but those seem relatively repetitive in the face of last years anger.

I’m just…happy with how this year is going. I can and soon will be doing more, and maybe once I’m truly overexerting myself I’ll have more to write about. That or I’ll go into stage 2 hypertension and I’ll just blog from the hospital…(my BP now is averaging 145/95. I call that fifth grade teacher BP.)

As soon as something catastrophic or magnificent happens, you’ll be the first to know, internet audience. Until then, no news is good news